Might wanna check the last few lines of the post, buddy. (Admittedly, I failed to include any made-up dialogue between Bell and his pitcher. Very sorry if you felt put out by having to imagine that yourself.)

I think that was more poetic license. Doesn’t seem to do it with anyone else, just Harry. So, probably imagining the hat talking when it was just speaking in his head.

I mean was it ever explained what The Sorting Hat is really even looking at? How do we know the Hat isn’t just looking into the future of each kid, and basing the decision on what they become? I suppose if it was doing that though, it was a real dick letting Tom Riddle get through without telling anyone.

Does that happen in fanfic?

That literally happens every February all over the country.

Arithmeticy is crackpot math; I’m pretty sure even wizards need to learn how to add and subtract.

We shouldn’t be surprised that a school that doesn’t teach math, evolution, drama, or civics does bad things.

Its not a personality test, its magic...

Is it bad that I just noticed that the fluid coming out of that bottle in the gif is actually perfectly clear? Meaning they probably wisely used water for the shoot.

Make sure it’s engine oil you’re adding.

*nitpicks woman’s every move since she was a teenager

Whenever I find myself getting annoyed at these bizarrely uptight assholes who judge others for chewing gum (of all the damn things), I just remember that they’re also the kind of people who think things are “classy” and “low class.” ...And then I smile smugly to myself.

I have literally never heard this in my life. But then, I have dry mouth and drink a lot of coffee, so I chew gum frequently because I kind of assume no one wants to smell my nasty unminted breath. Who knew my attempts at being courteous marked me as some sort of uncouth peasant!

My daily Xanax combined with antihistamines and decongestants mean I generally have a stick of Trident keeping me from being parched.

“Every time I see a picture of her she seems to be chewing gum, which seems so low class.”

Lol...y’all are seriously nitpicking at Britney Spears for chewing gum while having a photo taken of her? Like, who the hell cares?

Not shown, the load toppling over from the unexpected acceleration. ;-)

Chewing gum is low class? Okay

The real reason the beach was so empty was because everyone got stuck in a huge traffic jam on a bridge.