Well, at least it was a deer and not a person who died in state custody this time.

They should change the town name to “Not Racist Some of My Best Friends Are Black.”

In honor of Browser, they should just rename it Cat Settlement, Texas.

“Well sir, the cat is an employee of the library. He’s in charge of pest control. If you’d like I can give you an employment application, and you could have your dog fill it out. We’ll get back to him in a week or so once we’ve had an opportunity to review all applicants.”

February. He’ll be the “Head of the, Like, Sports Thing or Something”

“My son was held up by someone wielding a knife.”

Secretary of the Navy because... water?

My shameful list of “I Totally Would” is pretty... shameful. He’s on it.

Sounds delicious

Especially Kim Kardashian’s.

COTD

Clinton is the first candidate I can remember, EVER, that sat at a major debate and actually repeatedly said the word abortion and that she was pro it. I cried watching it.

Yeah right, like I’m going to do squats in pushup shoes.

I could do a Murph. It’ll take a week, but I can do it. 

a sequence of 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, and 300 squats

Please post this, if possible, as a comment on the review on the New Yorker’s site.

I have a feeling you figure in other people’s stories from that time. I too figure in such stories although less for a penchant for destruction and self-injury and more for being the girl who walked into a strip club and upon seeing one of the dancers shouted out in shock “That woman has no pubic hair!” I’m sharing…

Wait, who walks up elevators? Are you that important, or in that big of a hurry?

Must have been some gnarly pubic hair. Oh, you mean a different kind of bush!