Post of the year!

Forget the style guide, it’s the pretentiousness that I find infuriating. It’s like he typed it with his pinky extended.

I’d give you all my Mario 64 stars if I had them here at work with me.

Hi, professional Infection Preventionist here. Wild animals should never be approached for fear of lots of diseases, not just rabies.

Now if a freaking wild animal can sit neatly in a seat, WHY do we have to deal with manspreading?

Very droll and informative at the same time!

My step-sister asked me what my religious views are this week. Guess I just figured them out!

On the pond in the National Mall.

Raise your children to be kind, teach them that possessions are less important than people, and also buy them Christmas presents. You can do all these things when you’re taking a break from gazing at your navel.

a candidate so manifestly unpopular as HRC.

I learned long ago that voting has little to do with excitement or perfect match so much as making sure the biggest asshole doesn’t get into office.

Zac Efron removing his shirt in slow-mo is what sold it for me.

Only way I would watch this is if Zac Efron has a full frontal nude scene.

Why, what planet is Jersey on?

Her face makes me happy inside. I’m a terrible, disgusting person though :(

Even if he told Fitzpatrick, I doubt he would have seen the turnover coming.

You act like this kind of thing is unusual:

It’s like you’re from the future.

So the gaping hole behind center in NY is now Bryce Canyon?

He went to Harvard? WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?