Davis is what Gruden would look like if you put Gruden in a microwave for 3 minutes and 23 seconds

This old lady used a bat. Imagine how big of a pussy you have to be to be young and need a gun to defend yourself.

I’m just glad the sound engineer had the good sense to edit out the fetus saying “meep meep”.

Diggedy is an excellent dog name.

Ross - Iron Man

My dog just left my office after farting, staring his asshole for a minute and went to the den where he promptly passed out on his dog bed. Fucker.

I called the cops on Deadspin when they banned me way back when, and the police just told me that I was actually in a Wendy’s so I got a baconator and everything was fine.

Exactly. There’s no way she actually has friends.

11) Professional Couponer

Why am I learning about Equanimeous St. Brown from this article and not from the Name of the Year bracket?

It’s not delivery...it’s De Havilland.

I’ve been working on a plan to buy eggs at 3/4 of a cent an egg and sell them for 1/4 of a cent per egg and make a profit. I call it “Uber.”

the greek freak, in athletic chic, found her artwork to be on fleek and rather unique, and said so, from behind his table made of teak, which caused a tear to run down her check.

Laugh only after you yourself have walked the mean streets of Stoughton, Wisconsin. 

Hard Brexit.

Keep it up, angel pirate, and they’ll ship you to Nidavellir via Amtrak.

Gotta disagree hard on this one. IMO Jagged Little Pill holds up as a top 10 90s album. It’s a viscerally angry album and Alanis is SO GOOD at getting her emotions across.

Millicent Kent was bigger, but not nearly as much of a drama queen, as I recall.

“Go fuck yourself, San Diego Los Angeles Carson Inglewood San Diego!”