Terrific economy of words in this one. 

I hope he beats this 

“You have to get more into my body.”

This is like when Gary started in the office and asked me for some help:

Denouncing racism and bigotry unequivocally ≠ talking about politics

Yep. And also vodka

First rule of being a feckless suit: you don't talk about being a feckless suit.

I don’t want to make a thing of this but I think, down here in the comments section, there’s a difference between “I’m willing to make a joke about this” and “I don’t think this is a serious thing”. There are lots of things that are serious and terrifying in the world that people joke about to help cope with the stark…

you understand it’s the ref’s job to preserve the fighters’ lives not their chance to win, right?

How does he feel about the anthem? What about the Little Mermaid casting? What about Triscuits?! I need his opinion on Triscuits!

Some people have honor or integrity.

I am fairly certain that if I stared at your avatar for longer than 5 seconds it would put me into a seizure. 

Dear Penthouse,

The crowd really went cuckoo for Coco Gauff.

Twas a bad day to be orange. 

Gonna take a minute to start getting comments on this post because we’re all trying to figure out how to call that bar and buy a round for the house.

When I was a teenager and on summer break, I used to set my alarm around seven so that I could listen to Stern in the morning

Oh I’m an idiot, didn’t see that!

Oh I’m an idiot, didn’t see that!

Say what you will, but Happy Gilmore has a record too. Only guy to ever take his skate off and try to stab a guy. A record is a record.