Why automate when you can eliminate?

If anyone’s green beans aren’t as soft as the ones from the can, I don’t want them.

Like my mom and my Depression-raised grandma before me, I eat my spaghetti with a meat sauce made of ground beef and ketchup, with herbs and spices to doctor it up of course:

Relax, man, Joe Rogan isn’t going to come over to your house and give you a big boy trophy for fighting back against dastardly folks like me who don’t care for his show.

Conservatives boycotting Nike/Keurig/Coca-Cola: *crickets*

Draping it over a mug? How barbaric.

There’s no accounting for taste, I suppose.

Counterpoint: Shits.

Gentle bird chirps and pianos? Bah, I say! 

I know, right? It’s almost like they’re from a different country or something.

I strongly suspect that only 0.6% actually seriously voted “Yes”, and the other 32.0% were just shitposting.

May I present this design option for the Orochi V2:

Also known as “the bananus”

I’m reminded of one of my favorite tweets:

I did have a wife, but they took her in the divorce.

I find that if you dump a few squirts of hand soap and a cup or two of hot water in the toilet, let it settle for a minute or two and then flush, it’ll lubricate the works enough to dislodge most stuck poops and TP clumps. Much less work than using an actual plunger, even, let alone this hack.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

One of my cats plays fetch, but I didn’t train her to do it; she trained me.

Now they just need a variant with a Lisa Frank design.