The dialogue is solid, but it was the click of the old wedding ring against the phone mouthpiece that really elevates this work.

When reached by Kotaku, the Ford dealership said they didn’t know what we were talking about.

Until something bad happens. Then it’s “Why didn’t you DO something?!?!”

I hate to break it to you, but this mess is really all your daddy’s fault.

Not sure what kind of backyard parties you attend but when the one hit wonders songs come out in my parties, there is always some single tipsy and dancing female that the rest of the women (married) hate because she is single and her shirt comes off.

Married dude here: If my wife said, “hey I’m leaving you for Captain America,” I'd completely understand. It would suck, but I couldn't blame her.

Yeesh, judgmental much? On behalf of the Kaleys of the world:

Hell hath no fury like the uninvolved.

None of the concern trolls seem to be upset that John left his nine days old to have a meal....

I feel very strongly that the best cheeseburger is the one you don’t have to put on pants to obtain.

Neat little fact: the “crosse” in “lacrosse” means the stick itself. In other words, lacrosse is French (or bastardized French-Canadian) for “the lacrosse stick.”

Amateur.

No fucking phones, no one texting and Facebooking. Just good under age drinking. Concerts used to be a lot of fun.

Ray Lewis: What the hell is this? Were they trying to make fun of me?!

Here’s how I relieve tension every morning by being mindful.

Could have sworn the most thrown back jersey in Maryland would be Ray Rice.

I took it exactly the opposite. That Ben was exasperated that anyone would think he has a say in what she talks about. I heard, “Yeah, well, she’s a fucking adult, so whatamIgonnado?”

Ben Carson had me wondering if brain surgery was actually all that hard.

Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads...

We bought one lottery ticket and had a great time talking after dinner about what our family would do with $1.5B. It got our kids really interested in things that would never come up in family discussions (Swiss bank accounts, prenuptial agreements, small businesses, travel to foreign countries). My son wondered if he…