Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

I don’t know. They may have a point. Those cups don’t look anything like the ones Jesus drank his Gingerbread Lattes out of.

Whatever incantation Peyton uses, it’s to the tune of the Nationwide jingle.

“Luck-will-ne-ver-win-a-ring...”

Well, I mean, that’s like the only time he seems to work.

I’m not sure if I’ll even be able to hear the comments section over the sound of our collective Delightful Irony Boner. There has to be a German word for that, right? By God, I hope there is.

Richard Dawkins has done a great job of proving that just because you don’t believe in a deity doesn’t mean you can’t be an obnoxious bigoted asshole.

Sure, I worry about electing a Muslim if he/she believes that religious beliefs should take precedence over the constitution and the way our country is ruled. I also worry about electing a Christian with the same viewpoint of their religious beliefs. Electing an evangelical Christian who will insist on imposing…

Is he saying his 9/11 cakes were an inside job?

My MATTRESS. I spend lot of time there (would love to spend more). It’s an organic latex from Savvy Rest. It was pricey but will probably last as long as I do and you can replace the cover if it wears out. Or individual layers per side. Plus (and maybe the most valuable), you don’t have to deal with slimy sales people…

Easy. What, exactly, is she supposed to do while the other flight attendants serve alcohol? Her not doing it means more work for the other flight attendants because they never serve just alcohol, they serve all beverages and she can no longer do that. And on small or low-cost flights they’re usually understaffed as it…

Two years ago, Stanley converted to Islam

In one sense, I agree that the situations aren’t comparable. Davis refuses to act as the state performing a function of the state, when in reality the state itself does not have a freedom to religion. She has that job, she needs to do that job, full stop, or remove herself from the position of being a representative…

I mean, if a compromise or negotiation satisfies all parties then fine, but ultimately if you can’t fulfil your entire contract then... bye.

Fuck these religious assholes who think they’re entitled to a job, fuck them. Go find “work” in your religious institutions, not in jobs serving the public.

That would be horrible. Imagine you buy tickets to a packer game before the season, and than you get to the game to find out it’s Rodgers turn to rest and you get to see Scott Tolzien vs. whatever shitty team they decided to bench rodgers for. Also, you would increase the possibility of getting a QB killed, as not…

Jets players hate the preseason just as much as everybody else.

I actually don’t mind those, it takes a lot of effort and guesswork out of the gift-giving. Ah, you’re getting married? What can I afford? One fork? Excellent, happy wedding, here is your dinglehopper.

It would be great if Christians stopped confusing their own liberty and the liberty of other people. No one cares if you’re offended, Christians.

some time in the mid-90s I fell out of my bunk bed and hit my head. My parents took me to the ER, and the doctors asked me various questions to determine my mental status. One of them was “Who’s in charge at the White House?” I deadpanned “Hillary” and had the whole ER laughing. I was seven or eight.