“How the fuck did they get anyone other than the Knicks to give up anything for Derrick Rose?!?!?!?!”

Looking forward to Lavar bloviate as IT forces Lonzo into showcasing his god-awful spot-up shooting skills.

Did Puig change his mind about going to the Colts too...?

I’d take it a step further. That fan clearly has a bad heart. Had he shoved him just a little harder, he might’ve died.

The only thing the league should do is ban this fan for life

What’s westbrook going to do? Sneak into this guys bedroom, while the fan sleeps, and dress him in an ugly outfit?

I don’t know how this works; I just type shit into this magic box, and sometimes people see it, sometimes they don’t.

It’s really the opposite of a Sophie’s choice. No matter who wins, you can be happy the other team loses. So, like a Sophie’s choice where she hates both her children.

I look at it this way. God do I hate Pats and wish they nothing but misery, BUT, we’re all used to them winning and their fans being insufferable about it. The idea of The Eagles winning a Super Bowl and the never ending boasting from their fans is something I don’t even want to imagine, so, uh, Go Pats?

No, Philly winning is clearly the better of the two evils.

No, Philly winning is clearly the better of the two evils. I hope the Pats lose and that the backlash of it propels an unmendable riff between Bill and Brady/Kraft. I want this to be the end of it.

I really, reeeeeaaaally do not want the Patriots to win, but good god I am all horned up at the thought of Philly fans and sports media imploding on themselves. A real Sophie’s choice, if you will.

His mouth has a mouth.

RIGHT? The whole time I skimmed (because who could read every word), all I could think was man, this is really poorly written. #fuckingmillennials

Imagine a world, where content creators are paid by the word....
/BLACK MIRROR!

Not even for Jeff Hornacek.

“But why male models?” - Rob Gronkowski

There is no way in heaven or hell that Gronk doesn’t play Mongo in any possible remake of Blazing Saddles.

GRONK LAUGH AT TOMMY FOR JAMMING ON HAND TOO HARD BECAUSE GRONK HAS DONE THAT [giggles] BUT THEN GRONK LEARN GRAVITY OF INJURY SITUATION AND NOW GRONK SAD

People ask us why we harp on Bill Simmons a lot here and the answer is because he’s the most powerful, influential sportswriter in America.