It may not be as pretty, but your mouth won’t care.

At this point, who does Mia think she is fooling with sticking to the “No, Allen is his biological father” narrative?

Two things about Ronan Farrow: 1.) He can get it; and 2.) Every time I see that kid he looks more like Frank Sinatra.

That Maggie Gyllenhaal write-up is so cringy and OTT. It really is a cruel world out there — which is evidenced by the fact that sometimes your favorite actor is running late and can’t take a selfie with you!!

Well, just to point out, the sin of adultery is defined in the bible as a married woman having sex with a man who is not her husband. A married man can cum inside all the women he wants, just as long as they aren’t married to another man.

Only until it’s born. Then fuck ‘em.

I always have to try not to moan like a fucking creep during the scalp massage.

The best part of any haircut - getting your hair shampooed and your head massaged

You should bring the sherry to my house because I need it for some baking.

This might cheer you up.... Or make it worse. It’s the official White House photographer’s favorite pics of Obama.

We ran a candidate whom everyone hates and when she lost, our response has largely been to get angry that people failed to get on board with her.

I discussed Comey with my husband last night. So do we just pretend he never did anything or...? If nothing happens, does this sort of tampering become the norm?

No but it’s nice to see it. Some semblance of normalcy.

In Trump’s America, sexy immigrants can stay. Even if they violate their visas.

I guess I don’t understand his platform that well, but I thought he took votes more from the Repubs than from Dems?

I thought it was pretty well-established he was a pothead, but beyond crazy religious parents of teenagers, I’ve never heard anyone describe smoking pot as “substance abuse issues.” Similarly, I know lots of people who have had pothead husbands, and none of them divorced them for it. But I know a ton of people who…

Yeah, my husband was a passive aggressive dick when I married him. I just didn’t really know it until we had more kids together.

I don’t think this is about that. You don’t get into screaming matches in front of the kids and end up shoving one, however accidental it may have been, because you’re smoking too much pot.

That, and when you’re talking about substance abuse coupled with anger issues (if any of those things are really true) things become a lot more “real.” Like, you can be a stoner and maybe smoke a little too much and not have that be grounds for divorce or a custody fight - maybe just some marital spats and discussions…

A lot of stuff is more tolerable when you aren’t parents. And then when it isn’t being reflected back to you by your teenage children.