You guys ever get like a 14 inch long french fry at McDonald’s and wonder how big the potato was? Most of us have learned that McDonald’s doesn’t cut up potatoes into the fryer- they boil and mash the potatoes at the farm because shipping potatoes means you’re shipping some 20% dead space between the potatoes. …

Here’s the analogy I’ve come up with: You’ve spent 7 years trying to hook up with this person, you’ve jacked off to their facebook photos 60 times (OCare repeal bills while O was in office), but when the opportunity came up and they wanted to hook up, you couldn’t decide if you wanted to tie them up and dominate…

Then Oprah hosts Chimp Jenny McCarthy on her show to plug her book about how the vaccines cause autism in her chimplet. <fighting back tears> “He just doesn’t throw his feces like he used to.”

95% of lawyers make the rest of us look bad.

The only reason we even tolerate Uber to the degree that we do is because they replaced taxis, which I believe polled somewhere between lice and herpes in popularity. Remember taxis? When the only thing the dude could say in English was “CREDIT CARD MACHINE BROKEN CASH ONLY” and he drove like he was still escaping…

$1600?? This reminds me of the time someone hacked into Comcast’s feed in the Phoenix area several Super Bowls ago and broadcast 30 seconds of soft core, above the waist porn. It’s the same exact crime if the hacker had shown 30 seconds of hardcore gay ATM. Why half ass it at that point? Why did the hackers in this…

Well at least he didn’t rub his flaccid penis against a woman; that would have been completely absurd.

Meanwhile parents still buy their kids Happy Meals and frozen shit from the grocery store because for some reason they thought they could properly focus on raising healthy children while both of them work, because they’re going to be different even though literally everyone they know tried to be health-conscious with…

“That person said Apple also must resolve what happens when a user loses one of the earpieces...” Buy a new pair of course duh

The only question now is what billion dollar unicorn’s board she ends up on with Lucas Duplan et al.

If I were still living in DC I would be going here every night for dinner, just to support the place. It’s likely going to close down as a result of this. Such a cool little place too.

When my fiance and I moved in together her only hard and fast rule was “no cable.” I figured I would con and finagle and beg my way and eventually get it... but after just a couple weeks without it, I felt absolutely liberated. Now, I cannot imagine a scenario where I’d be paying for cable again. My favorite hobby is…

Please try launching Coca-Cola brand window cleaner and tell me how that works out. It’s called trademark dilution.

You also left a period outside quotes.

I was only referring to your atrocious grammar.

You had some bad teachers.

Here is the ad that popped up on this article about institutions that take financial advantage of the poor and how morally bankrupt they are.

Hillbilly Anna Wintour

So he’s the guy that looks at Pear’s “Anjou” cables and goes “those aren’t danceable enough.”

Dude she says she goes every day, let’s say 6 days a week X $34/class is $204/ week. That’s over $10k/ year. Put that much in a Roth IRA (although they’re clearly making too much) at 5% you’re looking at an extra mil when you retire.