“So, your table stopped me and asked what kind of fish they had was because they thought you were lying to them; I told them it was cod and they asked why we didn’t have real fish.”

Are you a Pole like me or just a pierogi fan? (And yes, that sounds delicious.) Seriously, when it’s pierogi making time in December, it’s a week long affair. Potato/cheese/bacon, potato/cheese/sausage, cottage cheese/chive, kapusta and mushroom. I’ll eat them cold out of the fridge, I love them so much. This year,…

Miniaturizing animals rarely has a good outcome. So many health problems, including mental issues, are introduced.

“Michelle and Ryan’s nups, which took place on a remote island in Thailand that could only be accessed by “traditional wooden long-tail boats,” had everything: escort cards calligraphed atop “foraged river rocks,” hand-dyed silk flags for no reason, food poisoning, bridesmaids that knew how to sing, and macaque…

Hahahahaha, oh Brayden, darling, did you read that delightful new Bruce Williams column in the daily print out of the internet that one of our several butlers brought us this morning?

I have chicken stock going in my slow cooker right now. It isn’t pretty, but it’s going to be pretty tasty tomorrow, when it gets turned into actual soup.

I really hate to be flippant, but this is how I pictured Swem the whole time #Donald

Even the ones that LOOK IDENTICAL have a SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT FORMULA, which is relevant when layering etc. NEED THEM ALL.

The ingenious waitress’ name has been lost to history, but the Legend of The Waitress With The World’s Driest Sense Of Humor is still whispered to this very day.

The Reuben one reminded me of a story Terry Pratchett told. He said that one jet-lagged evening he accidently asked for Three Mile Island dressing for his salad. The waitress didn’t say a word, just brought him Thousand Island dressing and a bottle of hot sauce.

I have it on very good authority from Strawberry Shortcake that Blueberry Muffin’s vagina* does, in fact, taste like blueberry.

I would have said: “Why yes, it does come from gay cows. The gayest, actually.”

I love that the quickest, truest litmus test of “is this person obsessed with nail polish” is just to say the word “HELMER” and note their reaction.

A former boss of mine had a college friend who ended up becoming a nun. She did have a wimple, but not a huge one, and wore civilian clothes otherwise.

HE’S THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON WHO PRONOUNCES IT THAT WAY, NO IT ISN’T LEGIT.

Like they would know what it looked like. PLEASE FOOLS you can’t even find the clitoris.

same, i’m very busy

For fuck’s sake.

RUDE.

“They didn’t just buy one book, they’d buy a dozen and be back a week later to buy a dozen more.”