THANK YOU THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

Disclaimer: I am neither Madonna, nor Elton John. Just to clear that up.

I think that the idea of the monthly MSG residency as piloted by Billy Joel is brilliant. If I were an artist of his fame and stature, who enjoyed performing in my prime as much as he did, this would be ideal. Way better than a Vegas residency. And great for fans, too, since I think you'd bring your good shit as a…

I think it's an incredible picture, and it looked amazing on the front of the Times.

Step on the scale and however much you weigh, weigh twenty pounds less than that. TIGHTER.

You and your crazy notions. I think I like you.

My grandfather used to send me letters with SWAK on the back.

WHY DID I CLICK ON THIS?

This is me in the grocery store line last night: WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE UPPER LIP? And the weird nose that doesn't look like noses found in nature. She was very very pretty before. Gaaaa.

She definitely had some more just recently. I'd say during the period of seclusion around her recovery from childbirth, she had a little more trimmed off her trumpet.

l'imbecile

He already said he was planning on using the Secret Service (and possibly his Marine guard) for that very purpose.

He already said he was planning on using the Secret Service (and possibly his Marine guard) for that very purpose.

Ooooh! Good call!

ANOTHER BABY FOR PRINCE CHARMING AND SNOW WHITE PLEASE LET THEM WRITE THIS INTO THE SHOW I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!! Good god, I love that show.

My heart breaks for you and your loss. My one consolation is that I've NEVER been pregnant; I swear, for me at least, it was better to just not have it work at all. Less heart ache, I think.

Dear god. There should be a law against disclosing such things.

My husband called me that one time (in a spirit of totally sympathetic loving taking-the-piss-out-of-me) and I loved it so much, I made it my name.

Yep, baby showers blow. And when you've struggled with infertility for a gajillion years and remain childless not-by-choice, they are even more awfuller.

You know you wouldn't hate it.