My two cats have ordered me to tell you that you are 100% correct. :D 

This is me, calling BS on Murphy being a Hufflepuff. 

Hey, hey, heeeey, hey! Now, now, now nowwwww......

I once had a bf who kept asking when I was going to wear sexy underwear for him. “Soon as you buy me some,” I said (he was the one that wanted it and he made a lot more money than I did). It never happened, because he really only cared about the sexy underwear if he didn’t have to spend money on it. Maybe nobody cares…

This! My parents made too much money for me to get need-based aid (we certainly weren’t loaded, the requirements were just stringent), yet they were only willing to match the contribution I could make working retail part-time while I was in school (4500-6000 a year). Luckily, one of my top schools gave me a bunch of…

I can’t hep but chuckle at this commercial because, yes, if you eat more than one Fiber One product in a day, you may not poo a lot, but you will be gassy beyond your wildest dreams. I once got a box of some Fiber One granola bars or something and they were so tasty and reasonably low-calorie that I couldn’t stop…

Since Dr. PP referred to the bump as a cyst (I only watched 10 seconds of the removal because I don’t want to puke on my keyboard), I assume these are just random bunches of keratin and/or oil that get stuck under the skin and get trapped there. I think they just happen randomly and are usually fine to leave alone…

A movie in which Casey Affleck plays a character working to protect his daughter from...men...like...Casey...Affleck.

Okay.

I have done the same thing to my mom, who just watched in horror as I rolled the fitted sheet like some kind of perverse jelly roll. “What? IT’S A SHEET.”

A few years ago, my beloved cat went missing and I stress-ate a dozen Krispy Kremes over the course of the day. The last two donuts were eaten in celebration when I found him that evening hiding in a bush next to the air conditioner.

The comments on Guilfoyle’s post are THE BEST. “This is a joke, right?” “What happened to his neck?” :D :D

I love how his Instagram post only has one comment after two days. My guess is that somewhere there’s a very tired record company intern CONSTANTLY deleting people saying various versions of “fuck you, dude.”

That poor little Mirror Girl. She’s just like, “I’m bored and in an uncomfortable dress. When is cake??”

To quote my mom: “one day that kid is going to find the note he’s looking for and he’s going to be so pleased with himself.”

At least with a hotel, you know what you’re going to get, and you know it’s going to involve blackout curtains.

I have great interest in that Wesley Snipes Terminator. Someone get on this!

I ate half a cake once, over the course of a day (a friend’s toddler had a birthday and there were THREE CAKES and tons of leftovers). It was amazing and I regret nothing, but I will probably not do it again. At least not until the toddler’s next birthday. 

If I were to ever (lose my mind and) get married, I would 100% use that as an excuse to ask this guy to make me an authentic Victorian mourning dress, assuming he also makes women’s clothes.

But when are we going to talk about how “sports car” and “sports bra” do NOT ACTUALLY RHYME?

I will die on this hill. 

If Madonna were a normal human, she and I could commiserate over the lack of blackout curtains in most AirBnbs.