I have lived in the south for 30 years, and I have never heard this. Maybe it’s a “devout Christians who lie for Trump” thing, because that’s a demographic about which I somehow know both too much and not anything.

I still love it! A friend and I watch it every year for Halloween!

Questionable green screen, you say? Flowing fabric, you say?

The main thing that made me want to die here is that he had a FULL PAGE printout of a graph that had, like, 4 bars on it. 

I left Facebook in January of this year, and I cannot recommend leaving Facebook enough. I am SO GLAD I am not witnessing whatever dumpster fire is going on over there. Just reading the news is demoralizing enough right now. 

I left Facebook on New Years Day of this year. I missed it for maybe a couple of weeks, but now can’t imagine ever jumping back into that cacophonous hellscape. This is me, telling you, that your friends will not forget you exist if you leave Facebook. You will not lose touch with the world if you leave Facebook. Pleas…

I have insurance, and I’m STILL scared of getting a huge bill I didn’t expect. Even if you magically have the time to do due diligence before you go to the doctor, the insurance company doesn’t know what the doctor’s going to want to do, and it’s not the doctor’s job to understand a bunch of different insurance plans. …

Open offices are tools of Satan. I will die on this hill. 

I assume Matt Lauer told his tattoo artist to “use that font from the Atreyu album from 2004.”

There’s an old movie theater in my town that screens cult classics (I saw The Lost Boys and The Craft there last October). When they finally get around to showing Interview With the Vampire, I will be there. Possibly in costume.

I saw this movie 16 times in the theater (there was a dollar movie theater very close to my high school, back when the dollar movie was $1.05 after tax). I have seen it probably 14 more times since, and I still love it, though I will concede that parts of it are cheesy as hell.

When a guy wastes my time (example: I would skip the gym because I knew we had plans at 7...he would work late, go to the gym anyway, and then arrive at my house late to find me ravenous and homicidal), I give the “My Time is Valuable” speech. Once he knows that showing up late is not OK with me, if he does it again…

Came here to say this. I hope the MTA makes him write a huge check to whoever had to clean this up, and lets other train passengers come forward so this douchenozzle can buy them $1000 worth of subway rides or something. 

I need to believe that Tom Hardy makes a bangin’ tofu stir fry.

Jesus: “I’m not mad, Mike, just...disappointed. Obviously, we can’t allow you up here. Prince and Little Richard are having a concert later, and we can’t have you showing up and rolling your eyes the whole time. Go downstairs and think about what you’ve done.”

I felt bad for Janet the Planet. She seemed like a really cool person, but a lot of her footage probably got edited out because she was partnered with Sherry. 

I miss the Obamas so much, and fully intend to wrap this documentary around me like a fleece blanket that just came out of the dryer. 

The other day, I was wondering what the venn diagram of preppers vs. people protesting to re-open Tennessee would look like. My guess is there would be a TON of overlap.

“I’m prepared for the apocalypse! I’ll be in my bunker!”
“I need a haircut, re-open Tennessee!”

I hear that Lysol is the preferred method for washing down Tide Pods.

I believe Tennessee is also reopening at the end of the month. I can’t fathom how that will result in anything short of a shitshow.