You want an even more impressive story about “teen girl shoves bear”....hats off to Paxton Smith, who ditched her pre-approved valedictorian speech on Saturday to instead give a speech decrying the new anti-abortion laws in Texas. I’m actually amazed she wasn’t forcibly hauled off stage by her teachers.

“Relatively small bear” is a mama bear with her cubs, and is relatively large enough to seriously fuck up a human.

To all you conspiracy people who think Trump is playing 3d chess and pretending to have Covid to garner sympathy, I say thee nay.

I’d like to start a GoFuckYourself fund for vAinsley. 

That's dedication to the bone.

I immediately pictured a James Bond villain setting up a death trap in goddamn Pottery Barn Teen. Or maybe Skeletor, who else would be using trap doors?

I can’t be the only one that feels the brand new knowledge that something called Pottery Barn Teen exists is far more newsworthy than whatever this spoiled brat is doing...

Is this where all the U. Southern Miss. girls go to totally bling out their dorm rooms? 

Scher, who is a cosmetic nurse at SkinTight MedSpa

I heard a bit of a review of Cats while listening to the radio. I can’t give proper credit for this quote because I can’t remember the name of the reviewer: “Cats is so bad I would walk out even if they showed it on an airplane.”

How long until Cats is like Rocky Horror Picture Show, a cult phenomenon where people show up for midnight showings and act out parts? Except in this case it’ll be Furries and they’ll do things like cough up glitter “fur balls” and drink milk out of saucers.

pour one out for the roaches

The Alamo Drafthouse has already started participation shows of Cats.

No word yet on whether director Tom Hooper will retroactively lose the Oscar he won for The King’s Speech over this, a move that, while unprecedented, might be warranted, particularly when considered alongside Les Miserables, which also sucked.

Dog and cat shelters, foster and adoption agencies should hold fundraiser screenings of this film where everyone is allowed to heckle.

Well spayed.

I wish I was a boomer. I’d be retired, have a hell of a lot more money, and zero student loan debt. 

“Your speeches were long as fuuuuuuck!”

Between this and her “thank you for not making me look stupid” rant she just gets a giant eye roll from me. No one was making you look stupid, it was a segment that has been done many times before (Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Ellen...) And we get it, you’re 17 and “edgy” which means you’re an expert on everything and get to…

I’ve never been a big Taylor Swift fan but I listened to 16 minutes of her speech and appreciated her message.