Wait, Calvin Harris is not his real name? And his real name is Adam Wiles? Isn’t that kind of a lateral move? I mean, changing your name to “Vin Diesel” or “Tom Cruise,” okay, because those are dope stage names compared to the real ones, but both of this guy’s names are equally generic...?

Well yeah, but...there were nachos! Who doesn’t love nachos?! And a good bourbon with your kids?! Right?!?!?!?!

...yeah. I really hope i’m reading “They all ate nachos, even Gisele” the way i’m ‘supposed to’.

EVEN Giselle? Gasp.

All very interesting, but I’m nowhere closer to understanding why Julia Louis Dreyfus is doing Old Navy ads.

Ugh. Is there a better reflection of what’s wrong with society today? Here I am with a degree from a first class University earning way less money for working incredibly har...for working moderately har....for working occasionall....

I was dating a guy. The first time i went to his apartment, he offered me a bottle of water. He opened this immaculate, perfectly organized fridge: Labels forward, rows like a military cemetery. It was some serious Sleeping With the Enemy looking shit. When he left the room, I checked the pantry. Same thing. It was…

I put Tig on my list of Who To Be When I Grow Up after watching her documentary. She’s genuine on top of funny. I’m glad to hear this.

Awww :) If anyone deserves happiness it’s Tig. I recently saw her documentary on Netflix and was hoping she would be able to be a parent one day - it was heartbreaking to see her struggle thus far.

An “Idris Elba tug-of-war”...has a more beautiful sentence ever been written? I think not. Let’s do this thing...

You beat me to it! Idris Elba tug-of-war ensues....

TV (and film) needs to embrace Idris Elba. I need to embrace Idris Elba...wait...

I know, I remember someone somewhere saying that she’d married up and another person responded, “he married an internationally renowned human rights lawyer, he’s the one who married up.” Still true.

Amal has more class in her pinkie finger than the entire group of republican nominees combined. I just want to sit somewhere with her and have a glass of wine

You should probably get that checked out.

Yes. Now go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

Plus, he probably just tripped and happened to ejaculate on her face. It could happen to anyone.

Also, I bet she looked pretty hot in the hospital gown. If you don’t want to have your face ejaculated on, you shouldn’t, you know, be so hot all the time.

Seriously. Why would you even leave the house with a face if you don’t want this to happen.

She was probably asking for it. I mean, she left the house with her face exposed. HER FACE! You don’t show your face unless you want it to be ejaculated upon.