Trump couldn’t get through a game of Hi Ho! Cherry-O without getting one of the pieces stuck up his nose.

No. I think your insistence that mid-rare is the only way a steak should be cooked, as if there is an objectively correct answer to a subjective question, is insecurity. It also flies in the face of all your crap about being adventurous and having new experiences. 

Bullshit. You need a chef to make your decisions for you and you need everyone else to agree with that decision. That’s insecurity. If you trusted your own senses, you’d have no reason to give a fuck what other people are doing.

“This random guy over here knows more about the way my brain interprets flavors than I do!” is EXACTLY why restaurants exist, you fucking moron.

Every cat should be named Dick.

I don’t like them either. Too many choices. It takes forever to make a proper suicide.

The swelling has gone down since he went to rehab.

Meet the Diddler

“According to the Guardian, she writes that she felt “a growing realization that Donald Trump was no longer going to pay her to pretend that he is not indeed a racist, a bigot and a misogynist.”

Fucktard cop Former Fucktard cop Once and Future Fucktard cop

“It sucks even more when you’re using Microsoft Edge” is a rider that could follow any statement. 

If your knife is turning big pieces into little pieces, you aren’t doing it wrong.

Left-handed beef is rare. Sinisteer are hard to find.

I’m getting more of a Mr Satan vibe.

I usually advise people to not take my advice. I’m not sure how I should go about following that one.

In fairness, Jordan’s been friends with Trump’s hair since Bugs Bunny introduced them on the set of Space Jam.

“I like Mike!” he added, apparently referring to Michael Jordan.

Goats are oddly charming. They are also complete bastards. They are like cats that are too dumb to be pompous.

So Tennessee won’t elect Jerry Lawler, but they will elect his dentist. Weird.

Here’s his inaugural address.