“It sucks even more when you’re using Microsoft Edge” is a rider that could follow any statement. 

If your knife is turning big pieces into little pieces, you aren’t doing it wrong.

Left-handed beef is rare. Sinisteer are hard to find.

I’m getting more of a Mr Satan vibe.

I usually advise people to not take my advice. I’m not sure how I should go about following that one.

In fairness, Jordan’s been friends with Trump’s hair since Bugs Bunny introduced them on the set of Space Jam.

“I like Mike!” he added, apparently referring to Michael Jordan.

Goats are oddly charming. They are also complete bastards. They are like cats that are too dumb to be pompous.

So Tennessee won’t elect Jerry Lawler, but they will elect his dentist. Weird.

Here’s his inaugural address.

Well, goats are nature’s presidents.

I made my ‘first active attempt to redefine myself independently of parental influence and social programming’ at around 6 years old.

It never ceases to amaze me how eager people are to out themselves as imbeciles.

Have you seen how high old men wear their pants? Atomic is the only way to escalate that situation.

Line cutting is childish. Childish offenses deserve childish punishments. I’d suggest an atomic wedgie, in this case.

Kids get an almost psychotic level of joy from eating faces, or so the ‘80s taught me.

There are episodes of El Chapulin Colorado on Youtube. The Bumblebee man clips aren’t that far off the mark.

There’s two ways to look at those statements. Either A) Cohen is a bad liar and Giuliani is stupid enough to believe everything he’s told without question, or B) Giuliani is a liar who is too stupid to tell a decent lie. Either way, he’s admitting that nothing he says can ever be trusted. And that he’s an imbecile.

In fairness, Bumblebee Man isn’t a loose Mexican stereotype. He’s a loose parody of one specific Mexican.