And, like all of Texas’ contributions to the world, a Mexican did it.

...Kelly opened the segment by bragging about how she doesn’t hit her kids...

Placed him there like a pubic hair on a can of Coke.

If you think Nolan ever had dignity you are confusing self-respect with self-conceit. 

Game hunting is just a cover for his search for proof that the Earth is flat.

My problem with this has nothing to do with the amount of food they are taking. I’m just imagining being stuck in line behind the asshole who wants to spend an hour stacking cucumbers.

The tent is temporary. They’ll fix it with a software update.

He’s also the embodiment of Greed. And Sloth. And Lust. And Wrath. And Gluttony. And Pride. And Envy.

My best guess is she thinks that getting rid of him would piss off their mutual friends and she’d lose everyone. Meanwhile, they’re only tolerating him because they think he’s important to her. Everyone hates him and they’re all tiptoeing around each other.

He is the guy who is hoping if he stays in her life long enough and is there at the right time, the right night, she’ll give in and sleep with him.

According to this song, the level of services available to homeless individuals in Oakland hasn’t changed much since 1994.

Derriericho.

May 1. To represent the 1/5 star reviews.

Huh. I always thought Grease was about a guy who changed everything about himself to win a girl who was kinda dumb. TIL.

If your neighbor burns your brush pile so that he won’t have to see it from his patio, the solution is not to make a new brush pile. He can still see it from his patio. Burn the patio and there is no longer an issue.

I was going with Botulism. I’m not ready to concede just yet.

He’s made four movies explicitly about sports—Happy Gilmore, The Longest Yard, The Waterboy—

It’s what takes your dog to the vet.