People need food to live. People do not need to fuck up cars to live.

Well, then, I guess my plan to survive a flash flood by getting in the tub and closing the shower curtain is out.

Unless you count the bowel disruptor.

Detective Jeff Payne should be denied access to patient care areas even in the event that he requires medical attention. The Hippocratic Oath can be ignored just as easily as the Constitution.

What makes me uncomfortable watching ECW is knowing how many of those people are already dead. Especially Woman.

“Is you is or is you ain’t my congregation?!”

That gets the same point across, but it isn’t the same. Mad copied itself almost exactly.

It’s just a matter of balance. Everything has good and bad about it. Fieri is always smiling, which makes him seem too dumb to see the bad. Hipsters are never smiling, which makes them seem too dumb to see the good. In either case, the natural reaction is “WTF is wrong with you?”

In all fairness, they did the same gag 3 years ago. Before American Hitler.

I don’t want Trump to kill himself. I want him to attempt to kill himself, fuck it up like he fucks up everything else, and end up living another 20 years mute, paralyzed from the neck down, and in constant agony.

Convenience is the enemy of security. Locks are security devices. They shouldn’t be convenient.

I bet you guys anything he gives amazing piggyback rides.

To me, he looks like one of those “Oh, shit. There may be consequences. I’d better hang myself in my cell before the trial.” types.

Blackout drunk, punch to the gut, nearly died, trusted a fart... there are many reasons to shit yourself at any age.

Maybe they’re talking about Kharma. I wouldn’t mind seeing her sicced on both of them.

Meaningful art and humor require the ability to relate to other humans. They aren’t really compatible with the “fuck everyone that isn’t me” mindset of extremists. On the right, you get shitty paintings. On the left, you get jam bands.

I dunno. I thought it stopped being funny about 5 seconds into this 10 second clip.

If cell phones had been a thing when I was a kid, I’m pretty sure I would have been grounded 1 hour for every minute it took me to respond. Don’t text back for 2 hours? Grounded for 5 days.