So...she wanted the relationship to be more Loki.

May she wake up for the midnight pee and step on a Lego.

He continued, “Yeah, its sad. I could buy women way hotter in all kinds of places. Latvia or Estonia for instance. Its easy, people. Ive done it.”

I unironically love this pedantic comment.

The thing that bothers me is that her preferred pronunciation is not correct in German. It would be if it were spelled Streissand or Streißand, but it’s not, and I haven’t seen any indication of a change at Ellis Island or anything like that. Her grandparents were from a section of modern Poland that was part of the…

I called the mayor’s office for further clarification. They said:

dumpster diving at its finest

Better a dipshit than a rapist

Have you learned nothing? If you’re harassed, just quit your job. Boys will be boys, after all. And that will in no way help perpetuate that behavior. /s

The thing that infuriates me the most about the whole “bitch” part is that she LOVES flaunting her friendship with Kendrick Lamar. The same person who has a hit song called, “Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe.” If you’re gonna claim to be a feminist, you can’t just pick and choose what’s going to outrage you. You can’t just…

when i was 15 i called a boy “magnetic” in an email and the memory of it still makes me want to barf

It’s viscerally embarrassing to read. I suddenly feel ashamed of all the obviously, transparently performative emails I’ve written to smart boys in a desperate bid to get laid.

There is an Illuminati church and publishing company not too far from where she grew up. I KNOW BECAUSE I’VE DRIVEN PAST IT

I think he’s some kind of Buffverse-type demon that attracts the rich and beautiful and can exert some kind of control over them, like making them sit in each others’ laps for instagram photos and such for some nefarious reasons. I’m sure Anya or Giles have the details. Karlie Kloss (sp?) is her demon companion. She…

I’m convinced that Taylor is going to keep dating people until all of their initials spell out some sort of coded message about her asking for someone to rescue her from the grasps of the Illuminati.

I’m Perd Hapley, and the thing you are about to read, is an article.

First draft:

I don’t know, but the subtext is: look how shitty of a writer you can be and still work for Vanity Fair if you’re a middle aged white guy.

Okay the Australia thing is bad, but so is the rest of the writing in his piece. It’s total word salad.

I was getting annoyed about this over the weekend. To me it dehumanizes Taylor to accuse every relationship she has of being fake. If you want to say the Hiddleston relationship is fake then you can’t also say Harry and Calvin and Taylor werewolf and whichever Jonas and Jake G were all fake too. Some of them have to…