Oh, so what. My 16 consecutive Blades of Steel championships that one weekend count for nothing??? Bite me, ESPN.

I see the current agreement expires just in time to be a campaign issue in the next Presidential election.

And some people just steer clear of that whole hornet’s nest.

I'd just like to go on record in saying that Max Martin is, in fact, the devil.

"What's 'taters,' precious?"

Sam Neill: "And the singing?"

"Comey, Comey, Comey, Comey, Comey Chameleon…"

I just showed up to say that Johnny Fuckin' Marr (his proper name) is the shit.

Don't make me think of Harvey Levin in women's lingerie.

Is there an International Loveless Dorks Day?

Doesn't it look like I'm ready? I am ALWAYS ready! I have BEEN ready since first call! I AM READY!

This is the best day of my life!!!!

No, he didn't include masturbating.

Let me chanticleer and loud:

OK, Five Guys then.

Her punishment? A Wendy's bacon cheeseburger.

Sarah Silverman has friends?

Brought to you by Duracell.

Do I have to eat it with a spoon? Can't I just slather it all over myself?

Call it Plissken.