BTW: Chuck, PLEASE name a character Weed Sheldon. Please.

"How was that shareholder meeting?"
"We didn't get to the quarterly financial report. Everyone had to bail due to munchies."
::audience goes nuts::
"How about you, Weed Sheldon? Have you even talked to a girl who isn't your mom?"
::audience chuckles::
"I smoke weed."
::audience loses their shit. the aisles fill with shit as…

Let's hope. Maybe with some legalized weed in it's bloodstream America can chill the frick out.

Trump's been threatening to orally drain Putin's balls through his johnson for a long time. How's Russia supposed to react the the sword of fellatio hanging over their heads like that?

So… what if I have a dog whistle? Or a bag of steaks?

your not funny

"Pending apocalypse? He talking about the switch to Kinja? Amirite! ::holds up hand for high fives::

All he meant to say is that he blew his load.

1st congressional vote: ::SPURT::
2nd congressional vote ::spurt::
3rd congressional vote ::dribble::

I don't understand what I'll do when I have to go back to a life of not always wondering what's going to happen next with Dougie. I don't know how to live that way anymore.

INSPIRING! 96 year old David Lynch drives a lawn tractor across the state to the set of a new Twin Peaks revival!

"Tres chic!"

Trent Reznor of The Nine Inch Nails?

I've been meaning for years to see the Fountain. I should finally do that.

mother do you think they'll try an' break my balls?

Wow, finally. "Mother" the movie. Some Nintendo superfans are going to be losing their shit over this.

::sniff:: You're growing up so fast!

Great Stan Lee cameo, too! Excelsior!

Better open up them pearly gates, otherwise this dude's just gonna come bustin' through 'em.

I like to believe he was turtles all the way down.