(I don't actually mean this at all, but I will use any excuse to post this picture because it makes me laugh forever.)

To prove conspiracy, there needs to be more than just talk. An actual action toward the completion of the crime needs to have occurred. If the girls had a stockpile of hand sanitizer in their lockers, then maybe, but sounds like they got caught still at the talk level.

Uh, no, friend, the most disturbing thing about this story is that by 4th grade, none of these kids had ever learned a lesson that "two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead."

Turning them in would have ruined their chances of getting into a good college, so that had to be taken into consideration.

"The girls will not face any charges because no actual crime was committed, the Genesee County Sheriff's Office said."

PARENTS KNEW AND DID NOTHING LOL OK I DONT CARE HOW MUCH OF A FAIL PLAN THIS WAS, DO SOMETHING, DAMN.

Whaaaaaat? That's my very serious, definitely not made up, boyfriend Chris Evans. Most known (lately) for Captain America. Most known in the early 2000s for this, which will never, ever not be hilarious to me.

We've already seen the best award show moment this year.

NEVAR

Common came and talked at my university when I was in undergrad and he was AMAZING! Just everything he said was on point and wonderful. Plus he is gorgeous.

Same. I guess maybe I should watch something other than SVU marathons.

Y'all, these awards were a clusterfuck. I can't believe Selma didn't win anything besides Best Original Song, or that my sidebae Bumpydick Cuntbriarpatch walked away emptyhanded.

I seriously bust out laughing so hard at the Clooney joke. So much better than the Cosby joke, which Fey already did on Weekend Update all those years ago. But the Cosby joke was about the courage in presenting it in the first place, so I'm totally behind that, too. :)

I flat out got a little weepy seeing Amy and Tina start the show. It may be because I love comedy so much, and seeing these two great women kill it will only help future women in comedy, or it may be that I've had 3 glasses of wine and nothing but carbs for dinner.

Fortunately for Holly, a show called "Bodyshockers" has taken pity and is covering the cost of lasering off three of her tattoos (the dick, the 'Dyke,' and some sort of cartoon that was supposed to be Storm from X-Men but apparently didn't come out looking as such, as DIY tattoos tend to not look).

*blank stare* You thought a tattoo gun was used for temporary tattoos?

Kids nowadays, what's wrong with a Sharpie?

I was going to say, "Get new friends!" but then she was all, "I knew what was happening, hee hee!" and thought, "Time to go on the wagon, lady."

Charlize Theron was going to get paid less than Chris Hemsworth?

The fact that Charlize fucking Theron was being paid less than this relative new comer is mind boggling to me. She's a god damn Oscar winner for Christsakes.