You left out the most batshit quote of the whole article:

Love "sexpert" in quotations.

I didn't get past Philip Seymour Hoffman and heroin detox. Whaaaat?!? How did I miss that?

I'm just reminded of a conversation I had with my carpool once. One of the guys was telling us that he a) hated pubic hair and wanted girls completely bare and b) couldn't handle the idea of periods and refused to have sex with a woman who was on her period.

"Dear America." I had a pair, both Civil War era, one from a girl who lived in Maryland and one from a girl who grew up in the Confederacy. I think they were also actually based on real girls.

My mother brought a box of my stuff over a few weeks ago, and inside was the ENTIRE collection of Royal Princess diaries, along with some of the "Dear America" ones.

So, the new style is basically exactly what I have right now because I'm growing my hair out. Effortless fashion y'all!

I'm a straight girl, but I literally can't stop looking at her breasts. I CAN'T STOP.