I love this. So much. I wish more brides to be followed this advice.

Judi Dench is rumored to have Harvey Weinstein's name tattooed on her ass, making Weinstein the Xavier Roberts of the cabbage patch we call Hollywood.

You can't see it, but I'm slow clapping you over here. Well played.

Bring 'em on in I say. It's never too early to start a good rapport with your bartender. Nothing says freebies like a bartender that can say "well, Smoky's been coming here since he was about yay high. His ma breastfed him on that very stool".

Somebody's prom plans just got thwarted.

Yes, because god forbid they wantonly kill characters for no reason whatsoever.

You're soaking in...justice!

Ghost animal stories? My scroll wheel is ready.

Holy crap that killed two whole work days last year. Yes, please, again!

I can agree with many of those points, but yoga pants bring validity to any argument.

I need more of that pie in my life. Licking the screen just isn't doing it for me.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but if you're indoors, take your goddamn hat off.

This is what happens when you don't let Heather hold the map.

Even though Booker was a totally watchable show, and a fun spinoff from the great 21 Jumpstreet, the best part of it was still the theme song. Rock on, Billy Idol, rock on.

Tyler Perry is having a kid.

Man, does that take me back to my Chinese restaurant days! Back then gluten wasn't even a blip on the radar, but we had the "I'm allergy to MSG" crowd as well as the "do your carryout boxes contain CFCs?"

My favorite Spice Girl by a wide margin. She always looked like she was in on the joke, and was mere seconds away from an epic eye roll.

Such a flowery speech.

They totally should have hired this guy to design it instead:

So being drunk is a legit cop out for litigation? Sweeeeeeeeet.