The final scene makes it all worthwhile. That was all kinds of awesome.

Are you there God? It's me, Smoky.

I want to thank you in advance for all the new found free time I will have by NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN!

The Et-ing zoos kind of exist in China. It's the same concept of the lobster tank, but includes a Noah's Ark sized (Noah's Arc?) selection. At first I was horrified, but then you feel like a tiny god walking around with your waiter pointing out animals and telling the translator "and I shall eat that one as well".

Is it still a selfie if someone else is taking the picture? Wouldn't that just be a picture?

"It's really about bringing the feel of home to camp."

It's the most beautifully tacky "been there, done that" wedding gift ever. The only thing that would have made it better was if it was presented as sweaty five dollar bills stuffed into the DVD case of the movie itself.

Luckily enough beer negates my daddy parts for a few hours, but the beer microphone, a wonderful invention. It makes me funnier, a better singer, and awesome at whispering.

"if you're not paying for something, you're not the customer; you're the product being sold".

But they had to come from somewhere originally, right?

Serious question, what's the difference between an "American" and an "American Indian" ancestry? Does "American" mean 2nd generation American?

The *only* thing that keeps me from marathoning this show is knowing that the kickass theme song is waiting for me every day when I get off work. June 6th cannot get here soon enough.

I call it the "are you still alive?" reminder.

I give credit for my sloth lifestyle where it truly belongs, the Netflix autoplay feature.

Some Subway employees will do it if you order multiple items on the same order, so you don't have to unroll the 80 feet of wax paper only to find out which sub is which. That being said, on a pizza box it's kind of a worthless gesture.

The sad part is, in an hour I'll be hungry for clickbait again.

Khaleesi? Please. Titles never make good first names.

I think it was originally a Lifehacker post, but I'm a believer now - slice a lemon up into pieces small enough to fit into the compartments of an ice cube tray, fill with vinegar and freeze. I toss a couple into the garbage disposal once a week and let it run...and man does it work well! The frozen vinegar flies all…

The gloves promise they will be there.

If she gets into the handwear business, I'd totally buy some, but only if my buddies do too. Because if you wanna be my glover, you gotta get with my friends.