Navigating early adulthood is hard. I can't help but think that what is described in that email would only make it harder.

I would honestly rather have my fingernails pulled than be subject to this level of personal management. Given the choice between Hell or being a member of a sorority I would choose Hell in an instant, unless Hell is actually one huge sorority where it is rush week all the time.

Uh - this is still a university, right? I mean, they still have classes and assignments and stuff, beyond the time constraints presented by being polished for 15-hour days of recruiting PNMs?

17 and still paralyzed - therefore, still a minor and reliant upon his parents - and says it was a lie. You know what, kid? You're good in my books because that takes a lot of guts.

oh god what if the kid got away with like

My former love of Mark has now been ruined by all that racist shit and his crazy wife.

Somewhere in the Northwest, Ben Gibbard is writing a bummer of a song about this...but he was gonna write a bummer of a song anyway, he just has a topic now.

"I'm honestly not very astute with flowers and all the kinds of scents."

He was just trying to dump his Ferrari to one of his fellow officers, after watching one of your videos and realizing how agonizing it is to daily drive it.

This is classic. It's almost unbelievable.

Lets see - if said gas station made it clear for weeks prior that gas was going to be more expensive for everyone that day because it's "National Use a Bunch of Gas Day" or something, and I had plenty of other things I could have planned on (public transit, walking, etc) and it's my own damn fault that I ran out of…

GOD DAMN IT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT BY EXPLICITLY TYPING IN THAT I AGREED TO 8.4X THE USUAL RATE THAT I WAS GOING TO BE CHARGED 8.4X THE USUAL RATE?!?

Cheaper than if his drunk ass got a NYE DUI.

Solution: Stay home.

I AM HUNG OVER. UBER PLZ EXPLAIN THIS.

The backstory is 1988.

Fuck you.

Lucille Bluth, is it really you?

My balls fit in a guy's mouth on the regular. They don't need that much room.