I'm so oblivious I look at an empty train during rush hour and say "SCORE"! instead of using my brain to wonder WHY that particular train is empty. It's poop. It's ALWAYS poop. Sometimes its fresh poop, sometimes its stale poop, sometimes the poopertrator is still there. But its always, always poop.
I once spent 15 minutes talking to a board member at a work function ... and afterwards realized that my left one had been sitting in mashed potatoes and gravy. The left one is so goddamn unruly.
I always consider a meal a success if I just end the meal without food all over my tits.
Dangerous Fruits needs to be a band. Preferably a gay metal band, but I'll take a J-Pop candy goth girl duo, too.
I would love to see a woman host a late-night, big network show. Just please, for the love of cheese, not this woman.
An audio recording of Oprah telling me to "cut the bullshit" is all I need to motivate myself for anything ever.
So there's an animal that has Death by Snu Snu?
Ooh I have a thing for this!
My God, this is painful. It kind of reminds me of that scene in the labyrinth where Jennifer O Connolley's character is talking to the stupid door knockers.
My husband and I watched this interview live and he turned to me and said: "You just know Senator Melvin took off his mic, slammed it to the ground and called Anderson a faggot".
Yeah, can you imagine going for your annual cancer screening?
Awww! Who's a good boy? Who's a goooooood boy?! You are Troy, yes you ARE a good boy!
I wish Rush Limbaugh was a liberal hoax.
I've already watched this like 5 times today. I'm madly, unabashedly in love with Steve Kardynal. #noshameinmygame
Pants off Dance off, and GO.
62% of Dream Phone suitors have full on rape face and/or are clearly upwards of 40 years old.
"Somebody likes you, but I'm not telllling..." haunts my dreams.
That will lit-rally never happen.