“Some of my best friends have children.”

Forgive me for making general assumptions, but any man with a career interest in girls gymnastics should immediately be subject to extreme suspicion.

Doug Evans, the company’s founder, would compare himself with Steve Jobs in his pursuit of juicing perfection. He declared that his juice press wields four tons of force—“enough to lift two Teslas,” he said.

“like I give a shit”
Guy sitting by the pillar probably.

And now he’s busy in Milwaukee turning Giannis and Thon Maker into absolute monsters. Thanks Timberwolves!

The last meal descriptions always depress me the most. Here, have some strawberry cake, I made your favorite because we are killing you tonight.

Drug using Muggles = Druggles

In other news, the kitten from the “just hang in there” poster finally fell off that branch and died.

Everyone pissed off at Jeff Varner should be more pissed off at CBS and the producer of Survivor. Zeke Smith was going to be outed the minute he signed up for this show - as winning would have meant going into his bio for the media, which would have included his past. All of the vitriol aimed SOLELY at Varner is…

Jeff didn’t out Zeke as transgender to a national audience, the producers of Survivor did that.

We’ve redacted Eli’s email address but I can reveal that, disappointingly, it’s not nygqb69@aol.com.

“Camps? I think he meant centers.” - Sean Spicer

Anyone who thinks we’re more than 12 years away from President Johnson is simply out of their mind.

Xoloitzcuintles is a hell of a scrabble word.

A hiker ascending a 10,000-footer hauling lasagna with meat sauce wasn’t particularly prepared for every eventuality, you say?

The Barreled Ball classification?

I think the green’s fine as highlights in the logo, but in quantities like that backdrop, it’s pretty overwhelming.

Sucks to BU.

I smell rivalry. Can’t wait until the next time these two teams meet.