dad?

“I was going to bone Giselle after the victory parade, but then Nick Foles showed up and won the game and then she said there was no way.”

I’m 100% positive this is parody, no one will convince me otherwise.

There it is.  Oh thank god.  This has been sorely lacking this year.  It’s so good.  Thank you, New England, for coming through.

Shut the fuck up and go get me my muthafuckin juice box, asshole!

Very possible, but I respect the dedication to the bit. 

The name and the comment are too on the nose, this feels like a plant.

Thank you for proving every stereotype to be true, you joyless piece of trash.

Mmm. That’s good kinja.

Read it in this voice.

Next up: Philadelphia Eagles.

This is this dude’s first-ever post lol

FOLES! FOLES! FOLES! FOLES!

Fuck Tampa Bay forever....

I live in Minneapolis. Look, Eagles fans are scum and I’m one of them. But the dirty secret to sports fandom is that literally everyone is scum, no matter how much they like to narrative their way into a place of moral purity. And you are spot on about this fanbase’s fetish over white players. If there’s a white guy…

Then fuck them, too, and they should all be banned from watching television while their families are in the house. What the fuck is that excuse-making nonsense. Oh I was upset my team was shitting the bed so I emotionally terrorized my kids and family for a few hours. Just business as usual. The fuck out of here with…

The guy who made his little sister cry for two hours needs to join him. 

How do I unpack the amount of emotional trauma this team has done to my wife and kids due to my rage from this team. My wife begged me to shut off the TV during the third quarter of the Championship because I was literally scaring the shit out of my kids because of the screaming/crying/rage.

Barry, Meg, if you’re getting that evil in Word, you can find
^p^p
and replace it with
^p
to get rid of the extra graph breaks. 

Barry: You should let the readers know that you STILL file every 5000-word column with two line breaks between paragraphs because you use Microsoft Word and your valiant editors have to manually delete each extra break.