Actually, isn’t the city’s biggest celebrity a fictional character from a movie?

I like to think that everyone (like me) reads that taped-up jersey not as “Haskins” for the rookie, but as “HA!  Skins.....”

“Being a Dolphin fan is like losing your virginity to Jennifer Lawrence and now Lena Dunham won’t return your calls.”

I think I found the root of your problem

OJ didn’t do Nicole as dirty as Mike does the taxpayers of Cincinnati.

The last time this team won a playoff game, the first person to interview the head coach & QB was a black-glove-wearing OJ Simpson.

Well if it makes you feel any better (worse?) about Eagles fans, I saw a few of them beating the shit out of a guy in a Jahvid Best jersey after the game.  

This is dangerous logic. I’m not a football fan, but I live in Dallas. When my younger son started getting into football, he didn’t have a family team to take up the banner for, so based on where we live you might think he’d pick the Cowboys, right?

When someone is nice to you in Philadelphia that’s when you know something has gone horribly wrong. 

like when you try to give your cousin grief over video games to make him feel normal while he slowly dies of leukemia

anti-vax parents are generally vaccinated themselves. You can tell because they are still alive and healthy.

And not wrong about the lack of emails. Got to the last and thought “that’s it?”

The Bucs suck so blandly they aren’t even the worst run pirate-themed NFL team to have hired Jon Gruden.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Think of how much better off Lauri Loughlin would be right now if she had just accepted this simple truth and moved on with it.

your fucking face is boilerplate

a lot of these guys at the top are morons, who couldn’t spell realpolitick

*I am a Bostonian. I do not talk like this.

As long as it’s the Rickie Ricardo call. ¡NO SEÑOR! ¡NO SEÑOR! ¡NO SEÑOR! ¡NO SEÑOR!