Oy.

Goodbye cruel world, but most of all goodbye and good riddance to my terrible boyfriend. Life was good before I met you. (over)

We're better than that, because rednecks and frat boys deserve it, according to us anyway.

When a bodybuilder and a Jew team up, you're supposed to get a golem.

The intro to Death in Yellowstone is still the most horrible several paragraphs I ever read. It features a hot spring, an overenthusiastic dog, an overenthusiastic dog owner, the walking dead, and all-white eyeballs.

I kinda don't get along with single-cause theorists of any stripe.

Stop wasting your time arguing with each other and get back to wasting your time trying to prove things that aren't true.

It will. Then, the last step in the completion of Wikipedia will be the removal of Wikipedia from the list of uncompleted works.

Bender's no good for you, Amber. He'll brick your CPU. Just walk away.

It's about convenience. If you speak softly and watch MacGyver out the corner of your eye while you hate people in real life then it doesn't carry. Hating is easier here so we can do it more.

Dear credit card owner,

"Princess" and "Saved by the Belle" were right there.

If the robot were programmed to care about our feelings, it would not be ready to do what we all know we deserve when the time comes.

Are you wearing a raincoat?

I'd take that guy over Godzilla in a punch-out.

Nuh-uh. This is contradiction — "succinct disagreement" as you put it. Argument is down the hall. In fact, I'm already three sentences over what you paid for.

Somebody needs to address my lack of self control. I don't care how, just let me know when you're done.

Losing your religion? Like Father Karras?

Being expected to arrive at work well dressed is a long term health hazard. Makeup makes it worse. The time it takes to go from sweating to a stringent standard of "properly dressed" can exclude otherwise natural opportunities to walk or bicycle to work or exercise during lunch. As we've seen over decades, it doesn't…

Plagiarist!