To be fair, the fat girl's team was losing the concert by a couple touchdowns.

True, but needlessly picky. I bet you'll diacritic.

Girl takes off the One Ring and says, "Peek-a-boo!"

Our tests say it's not mono. It's cancerAIDS.

I never realized the UK officially adopted the American ("short scale") definition of billion in 1974. Thanks, Wikipedia. Also, USA! USA! USA! We'll get the rest of the world to adopt the English customary units yet! (No, seriously, they're terrible. They just force us to know two redundant measurement systems. Also,…

For those who didn't bother to watch the video: at no point does the video quote him saying "billions and billions," either, so it's more evidence that he never did.

Be direct but not confrontational. "Mom, it's 'YAY CHICANOS!'"

Magical martial arts isn't always terrible, but with a low budget the "magic" part can be an excuse not to put in the effort to make the fighting feel real.

Mycroft Holmes was the utilitarian of the family. He derided his brother's affection for baroque cases for low stakes as a waste of talent.

If you're serious about that identity, my Russian friends vacationing in eastern Ukraine can provide equipment and training.

Ha! That concept has already been used by several different artists, you ignorant, uh, um. Crazy weather, huh?

There will be plenty of time to do interesting things when I'm dead.

I took an exceedingly useless quarter course in high school in "notehand", in which the first part of this sentence would have been written, "I tk n xcdgl usls qtr cs i hi skl i 'nohd'". If that isn't actually correct then it nearly is, which means those neurons have wasted space in my head for thirty years. I…

What is it that your annoying Christian acquaintances do that you feel is worse than endorsing murdering people for saying things they don't like?

She has no airborne chemical sensor array!

I remember her being passed off as a poet by somebody just about the first time I even heard of her, but now I can't verify it was her doing it; it could have been an NPR announcer instead, and I'm not going to try to fish out the correct reference, if there is one, from the gazillions of hits for "Jewel lyrics…

Calling your lyrics poetry is ununpretentious.

The mixing was the real problem. The instruments and voice sounded like they came from under a glass dome.

Maybe Shelob's lair? And there's Frodo, paralyzed and bound in spider silk. Make it the Ultimate Showdown of slash fiction. They threw a war, and everybody came. (I won't check how many times that line has been used; it would just depress me.)

Gloria tibi Domine,
Qui natus es de Virgine,
Cum Patre & Sancto Spiritu,
In sempiterna saecula. Amen.