This election has brought out the weirdest, creepiest, most boorish parts of the American psyche out of the dank cellars in which they were hiding.

Militant vegans are like fundamentalist Muslims in that they’re way, way harsher on apostates than people who were never a part of the group at all.

They’re out there, man! And when they’re done getting their jollies at Target bathrooms, they go right down to the polling booth to commit voter fraud.

I learned my lesson.

This is the longest, shittiest Highlander movie yet. Just end the franchise already.

I’ll laugh my ass off if at the RNC, Trump’s acceptance speech is “it’s all yours, Hillary” and then he walks off the stage, out of the hall, and into the sunset as the greatest troll of all time.

Hey guys. It’s Canada, your sensible neighbor. We’re not sure what exactly you’re up to down there, but we’re starting to get concerned. This fun prank you’ve been pulling where you let a sentient garbage fire run for the leadership of your nation has gone just about far enough. We’d like you to stop now, you’re…

Slow down on the champagne buddy.

Someone in the Dirt Bag comments yesterday was whining about how terrible Amy Schumer is because the asshole fan she called out was now going to get rape and death threats. My first thought was, “You are ridiculously naive if you think HE’S the one who is going to be inundated with hate and harassment over this.”

Hahaha. There should be a “sorry” tacked on the end.

We were also bullied by a gang of roving neighborhood chihuahuas. It was a dark time.

“I have been physically abused, and I believe all of this is emotional abuse. Ariel should ask herself, ‘has Ariel ever raised a hand to her mother? Has Ariel ever done anything she’s ashamed of to her mother?’”

Aaaaaaaaand this is why she’s estranged.

Did you see the bit on Full Frontal where Sam showed Cruz talking about the trans gender bathroom issues and of course he supports the birth certificate bathroom law “because he has two young daughters and doesn’t want to think about some man stalking in the bathrooms and doing God knows what”.

Seriously, John Boehner doesn’t use a bronzer—he doesn’t tan either—he is just saturated with bourbon.

Yes but we got this out that bullshit, so in the end it was worth it.

And for those who say they will vote for Trump over Clinton, or waste their vote with a Jill Stein nod — do they think that a President Trump will be better for a Senator Bernie Sanders as he continues to try to build momentum around his revolution? They don’t think Clinton MIGHT just work better with Bernie on these…

This explains a lot about their relationship.

Stoprobbers, I’m just as excited as you are. :)

I know this is a way that people seem bizarrely reluctant to put it but: YOU GUYS. WE ARE ELECTING THE FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT.