No, you're thinking of the Spanish Inquisition.

The agents got lost in Anderson Cooper's eyes.

Did you just pitch an all-female My Blue Heaven reboot?

They can't even keep their own existence secret. Losers.

"Man Bites Hot Dog" makes a better headline.

*drops to knees; Charlton Heston voice*

Yeah, if anyone deserves blame for putting the video creator at risk for anything, it's Trump. No one would react to the video at all if Trump hadn't tweeted it out.

CNN *didn't* find out the video creator's real identity. The guy contacted the network of his own volition.

Who gets the millennials after America's divorce from constitutional principles and good governance?

You haven't heard? We're Iran, now, Without the piety and reverence.

You can always ketchup if you miss a round of beers.

Remember: You may not have health coverage next Fourth of July. Consider this your last, best chance to lose a few fingers to an M-80.

Catholics voted for Trump because he promised to roll back windfall taxes on bingo winnings.

It's bun done, though.

FDR. Polio didn't put him in that wheelchair.

10/10 Username/Comment synergy

I had to learn from Meatloaf by the dashboard lights.

Which really confused Turner because dragons are hermaphroditic.

_White People's Favorite Things_

I wanted a clue about Jolt Cola — twice the caffeine, and real cane sugar.