Of course it wasn't these two. A good Sheff would never want to mess up Stew art.

+1!!!!!

You're the worst.

+1

Enjoyed this take? Check out more of Ted's Takes:

You forgot one thing, Jesse: Perkins kills Dwight Howard. Proof:

Did you know that David Chang is actually Korean? I wish someone had responded and told me that.

I'm not sure you understand the analogy. You see, he is also a chef.

If this goes through, DC taxpayers beware: He'll cook the books to get your money, and then he'll have to cook more books like a year later, because of he's Chinese and Chinese food does not satisfy one's hunger for a very long time.

Oh man, haha, here's my Dick Vitale impression:

No, see, football is meant to be played outside and in the cold, but not in the snow. This writing is logically consistent and definitely not written twenty minutes before deadline.

Careful, bud.

Actually the Heat and Pacers both have winning records.

I guess he should've been more Lawrence Flip.

He doesn't even take it off to poop. The thong just cuts his turd right in half. He looks down at his hewn log and smiles. "That's a well-cut loaf," he says to himself.

If something makes you laugh, it's funny in that particular context, otherwise known as "funny."

"I don't think black people are bad - I just think black people steal, and stealing is bad."

What's the difference?

More like the ANALS of Fuckdom, AM I FUCKING RIGHT OR WHAT?

Hey, man. Don't ever use the word "lulzy" again. It's a stupid fucking awful non-word for 12-year-olds, and it's just as many letters as "funny," which is the actual word that means the exact same thing.