He stole our hearts.
If that's not a crime, it should be.
Also, conspiring with a foreign national to effect the outcome of a national election.
But mostly the heart stealing.

Because Adderall focus isn't always productive.

They're a real snoozefest.

In related news, the White House press office has issued an apology for referring to Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi as "Blac Chyna."

Thanks for thinking I'm young and cute.
We're now dating.
Now we're fighting.
Now we're broken up.
Now we're exes.
.
.
.
.
.
.
hey
u up?

An "Irish Choir" sounds like a banned form of frat hazing.

Cause the great thing about the Simpson's was the…

Fun Fact:
Inside a ketchup smeared envelope labeled "TerrifIc Top Secret Plan to Defeat ISIS Really Quickly" in the top drawer of the Trump Tower penthouse office, a handwritten note on a folded piece of stationery reads:

Daniel Day-Lewis would have taken the blinding.
I'm just saying.

Timmeh!!

In related news:
The Baldwin Family Foundation has issued a statement calling Alec Baldwin a real pain in the ass.

"And the award for Most Accurate Feces Flinging goes to…James Lithgow."

Cis-un-undead.

Aw geez.
Wait until the Blacula Coalition finds out I'm not actually undead.

In other music news:
A rapper appears infatuated with large bottomed women and ostentatious symbols of wealth.

Vote Neutral Party.
Or don't.
Whatever.

Look.
I'm not attending your weird Big Bang Theory themed swinger party, ok.
Jesus.
Take the hint.

Committing to her Sam Smith alter ego full time is a bold move.

The irony of your statement in context of the Twitterer-in-Chief is muy delicioso.

Also, Kendrick's voice is annoying af.