Everyone knows god is a rich asshole.
Look how big his place is, how much crap he let's those he created in his image get away with, and how many Latinos he employs.

I blame rap music.

Wrong forum sicko!

Fun Fact:
Wax Donald Trump contains the same ratio of pig lard, mortician grade cosmetics, hatred, sawdust, diced rodent bits, and camel hair as it's non-wax based doppelganger.

My resume finally has a snappy header.

Don't be so jaded.

Yes, you are correct.

Inevitable Gay Scandal!?

Great.
Now I'm stuck with an entire shipment of aroused donkeys.

All of this has done something to my childhood.
I just can't think of an appropriate metaphor…

You know who the real superheroes are?
Public school teachers, that's who.

She can coauthor my grant proposal anytime.

A Predator Wizard did it.

I'm sure the nuances of this complex story won't be subsumed into the Twitter driven ether that is our reality now.

The answer rhymes with "Plack Bresident."

Old timey days.
Before Django Unchained, but after Pirates of the Caribbean.

I'm still not watching Monty Python or Doctor Who.
We fought and won a war fer godsakes.

Oh I don't know how these things work.
I just cover my eyes and find my way home when it's done.

Then Dummy says, "He says nice things about me, I'm gonna say nice things about him."

In Soviet Russia dummy puts hand in you!