Finally, a rap battle Drake can lose with some dignity.

Not me.
I'm ache-y for no reason and always angry so I'm definitely old.
Or sobering up.

It's not gay if somewhere someone is drunk.

"Wheedling" and "blandly competent" are going right to the top of my Tinder profile.
Supplanting, "Tearful" and "Flatulent."

Going with Uber's pre-incorporation name is a bold choice.

As the son of Funny-Hatted Americans I am offended.
Luckily I have my funny hat to distract and amuse myself with.

This truly is the best day for racial slurs and sex offenders at the SCOTUS since Clarence Thomas was appointed.

I'm too important to read.
I skim and make assumptions, you Nazi.

In 2019 the SCOTUS will totally rule that The Handmaid's Tale package of laws and executive actions are completely fine.

It's like I always say about crowds: "I wish this crowd wasn't watching me have sex."

Are Racial Slurs and the Sex Offenders playing Lollapalooza this year?

All the sexual harassment of ladies was over compensating to distract from the all-male hyper-violent S&M rage orgies in Roger Alies' office after hours.

No.
I mean yes.

No you stop.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I showed him.

The Cars Universe is simply a quantum displaced reality refracted from our own.

Good lord.
The things you care about stink.

And to self aggrandize warrior status while simultaneously praising that we are at war with, forming a closed loop of incomprehensible nonsense that shields us from criticism while comforting us like a snuggly blankie.

Fun Fact:
The earliest iteration of an AV Club commentariat sat in the uppermost row of the Roman colosseum disparaging the quality of the blood soaked spectacle on the field below and quoting bits of comedic plays and The Simpsons, somehow.

Mr. Teddy, Peepers, Fuzzy Wuzzy Cottontail, Dr. Elephant St. James, Elmo, and the green Power Ranger all concur with his opinion.

Punctuation! Is: important for, (comprehension…?)