Tweet mostly.

"Gets wet, stays wet, and drains body heat"?
Sounds like great second date to me!
*rimshot*
*gunshot*
*rimshot*

Prove it.
Explain why humans cry.

Someone broke reporter Clark Kent's glasses once.

Burger Pimp takes your hard earned money, smacks you in the face, then tells you he loves you baby.

Kathy Griffin and Ann Coulter in a locked cargo container on the bottom of the ocean.

6 year olds who hit their parents can grow up to have jobs too.

I guess DUBke decided to STEP huh?
.
.
.
still got it

This just in:
Writing something original is hard.

If you're gonna play like a quarterback on tv, then you have to let a 300+lb man in tights stalk and pummel you.
Those are the rules.

Good luck getting it to stop watching you.

I got drummed out of the corps for being too awesome. And also for ad libbing my own lyrics to "I don't know what I've been told" songs. And also the non-stop crying.

Probation?
Aren't ladies prisons full of hot, nude models gone bad via nude hair pulling wrestling matches in showers that end in make out sessions?

If that's all future generations mock us for, then future generations are morons.

I was born having problems with black females.

Now if only someone would paint a poorly proportioned picture of grateful Indian children dancing in a stream of fresh water produced by spigot mounted on Nikki Minaj's butt.

King Arthur: "Oy! ello ello ello! You blokes quit your wingin, grab yer mates, take the lift out of your flat, and fuck off! God save the Queen! It's football not soccer!!

oof
Thank you for your service.
I will never hear that now.

A couple of weeks ago I tried to listen to a Colbert monologue.
It was ok.
The band leader was mic'd and kept ad libbing nonsense or chuckling.
Then Colbert mentioned The Terminator or Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And the band leader dude said "Sarah Connor" in the bad accent.
I was done
and remain done.

It was the first wide release flip book.
Predictably, it was undone by thumb chaffing.