I know.
I haven't seen an eviscerated person with milky white innards.

Up next on Things Melania Trump Mutters in Her Empty Penthouse, "What did they think would happen?" and "Good god I will soon have to live with him again."

Has she dunst you wrong?

If you agree to cast a white guy named Chris as the lead ethnic hero our studio will commit to a budget of 120, no, 130 million.

Bikinis and tube tops with boob windows are standard issue Star Fleet desert survival gear.

It is odd that Jeff Sessions and LeBron James have never been photographed together.

The new Henry Rollins/Steve Martin hybrids are doing great since they worked out the random yelling and biting kinks.

A competitive orgy?

Good start.
Now call someone a libtard, a fascist, a snowflake, a bro, or a Nazi.
Use all caps and insults about a person's intelligence, patriotism, and sexual preferences.
Go get em kid.
*tears up wistfully*

Don't worry.
They just scheduled a lunch with Yakov Smirnoff.
He'll never know the difference.

Jared is like a real life Black Bolt.
He rarely speaks because his slightest whisper causes cataclysmic conflicts of interest.

Both are true and also neither, but sometimes definitely yes, maybe.

Word is Comey was giving a speech when the news came across the tvs and intenet machines.

Any game set in a future with manned spaceflight and a livable Earth not rendered a half flooded/half scorched ball of climate change data sets is refreshingly optimistic.

I get it.
Bjork is one of those Game of Thrones Forest Children.
Sia is a White Walker.
Ed Sheeren is the Stark that should have been pushed out of the tower.
Taylor Swift is a Targaryen.
And Raleigh Ritchie is Greyworm.
It all makes sense now.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg classes up everything.

What's next?
A company co-opting hip online cynicism to generate click based corporate ad revenue?
As if!

I plan on zombifying and wandering around the Georgia woods for several years past the semblance of a compelling narrative.

Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first:
BUY BUY BUY Cock holster stock.

Match the beverage to the guy/only gal in the header photo:
1. Breast milk
2. Breast milk
3. Mountain Dew
4. Stolen Breast Milk
5. Yoo Hoo
6. Mountain Dew Code Red
7. Discount Scotch
8. Urine of a House Page from flask kept in breast pocket
9. Box Wine
10. Stolen Breast Milk
11. Unironic Pabst Blue Ribbon
12. Toilet Gin
13.…