I have season tickets to a local college hoops team and a couple of times a year they give out little rally towels like the one pictured. Usually a bunch of people leave them after the game too. I collect them, take ‘em home and wash them, and add it to a laundry bag hanging off my headboard. They’re the perfect size f…

Do me a solid and text me your mom’s digits. I got something for her to fold.

Please, don’t be crass. Use the politically correct term: jizz rag

Washcloth.  FFS, washcloth. 

Couldn’t you have just washed them again?

I dunno, thinking about your mom’s hands usually helps me

Not sure it’s a great idea, though, to adopt foreign curse words. My kid used “scheisse” where she’s a counselor at a zoo camp and some little brainiac knew what it meant and immediately told on her.

I will add Maine as a candidate. We are the most highly forested state in the country and have countless ridiculous scenes pulled right out of fucking hiking equipment catalogs. The entire northern half of our state, unfortunately, is populated by hicks who for some reason believe they are located in the backwoods of…

But if they call you a “shit cunt,” sleep with one eye open. The subtlety of language!

Interestingly, despite the reputation for politeness, Canadians swear more than either Brits or Americans.

The greatest swearers in the world are Hungarians and it’s not even close.

So true about Australians. And if someone at work calls me “mate” I can be absolutely sure that they will never, ever have an ounce of respect for me.

Exactly. The reason the root is the only place I make sure I check out every day is two fold: 1. It’s good to experience a place where you are not the target audience, you are not the majority, you maybe aren’t even wanted and people definitely don’t care what you think. 2. I have never heard from my black friends t…

So much this! Christian, you want to be an ally? Shut your mouth and listen. Not everything is about you. It do take nerve (AKA: racial bias that Christian is still not dealing with) to tell black folks how to talk about racism!

Also, fun fact: diamonds are really just crystallized lumps of coal.

It’s a good thing I never had children because that’s exactly the kind of parent I would be. 

The bottom of my stocking always contained a lump of coal. We had a pile in the basement of our super old house that had a three-way furnace.

What’s the fun waiting until she has dementia? She seems cool as shit and would want to appreciate the prank gifs.

My wife is preternaturally good at guessing what gifts are, so I have to employ misdirection in the wrapping. Boxes within boxes, extra weight, taping it down so it doesn’t slide around, etc. It’s fun.

My mom told me her favorite part of parenting was playing tricks on my sister and me. Now I’m a dad and I get it. My kid is only one but I have plans, man. Looking forward to the pranks.