I’m 34 and can’t tell if I’m just turning into the “get off my lawn” type of person. Please tell me I’m being rational.

Newt Gingrich will be VERY angry about this post, very ANGRY indeed!

Take your damn star, you earned it. 

I sort of get it. A towel would be a huge waste and too much surface area. But what about a set of wash rags?

If you’re gonna swear, swear.

You are eavesdropping on a conversation among black people. We don’t care if you listen. In fact, we are happy that you are listening, but don’t be bamboozled into thinking we are talking to you.

Honestly, THAT is part of a LONG running joke between us.  Which she started.  “Oh, you can pay me back when I don’t remember who you are, it will be fun” 

My kids asked me last night, “Has anyone actually gotten coal for Christmas?” So, I ask you: has anyone actually given their kids nothing but a stocking full of coal for Christmas?

It was going to be brutal.

Wow, when I read this I could actually taste that weird ass sour flat backwashed milk in my mouth! 

I craft them with curmudgeonly care for the Stars!  

The fastest way to start a bar fight in the world was to bring up Top Gun to Air Force fighter pilots and then say something like “But, hey, you guys got that Iron Eagle movie, though!” 

It was the “quality” food like this that made me immune to military chow. 

I don’t like square cuts all that much either. It’s pizza for people who want to treat pizza like an hors d’oeuvre.

I call it the “Head Sock” you can use it to keep sweat out of your eyes while playing sports like Golf! Organic cotton weave and just $99.99! Act now!

The new text will very simple, so easy even Dipshit Don could pass:

Isn’t this a self solving problem?

There have been, because it IS pretty hard to gun down unarmed people even if you are told it is OK.  The guys on the guns when it happened at my base were REALLY happy they didn’t have to do anything.

I never jacked up a General, but I did put a few officers face first on the cold concrete with my angry dog :)

So let’s say the roughly half a million people who signed up to storm Area 51 actually show up and go through with it. Will the US blow them all up to protect our alien secrets?