I knew some day I would have to face this information, and the day has arrived.  I will be burning all my electronics and moving to small cabin in Montana to craft handmade sacks for everyone to wear over their head.  Read my manifesto. 

Kelly took a make shit knife, or “shiv” and cut out the bitches eyes...

I hope you kept that same energy when you wrote emails to the Auburn University Administration, Phi Sigma Kappa Fraternity, Sigma Pi Fraternity, The Auburn Interfraternity council, Donald Trump, The Republican Party, and every white person you’ve ever heard make a slightly off-color joke, right?

This is the equivalent of bringing up what a rape victim was wearing...a fucking irrelevant fact designed to a give a certain class of people an excuse to blame the victim! You know, the melanin challenged type of people.

So, you’re saying we should BUY?!

Why do you hate the Browns and want to take this ONE GOOD THING from them? :)

Great!

A team can’t tie 16 times in a row. It can’t. There are better odds of dogs taking flight. If such a statistical anomaly were to ever occur, it would break spacetime and we would all be sucked into a quantum realm.

This is America, you can order whatever culinary abomination you like. That does not make it right.

I would buy my home and auto insurance from Marshawn. You wanna know why? Because, dammit he would be there so we don’t get fined!

When it comes to Fraternities, you must use Douche-ams Razor:  All other things being equal, the worst possible explanation is likely the correct one. 

HAHA it’s funny that the President is a dangerous lunatic with his tiny orange fingers on the nuclear triggers!   #TFA  Hahah...we are gonna fucking die.

I once worked four straight says without sleep when I was in the military. I could find my house no problem. Now, I’ve come home shitfaced as recently as last week had a problem.

Is he a Republican of a Certain Age? Then of COURSE he was, they all were. Shit, I was back then. (I got better!) If you listened to Limbaugh that shit was gospel.

Here is what I don’t get, and I’ve watched this happen...white people that I know for a fact would cross the street to not be near a black person will roll into a black person’s personal space in a store/club/fast food line without blinking.

There was maxim when I was a kid back in Southern Baptist Churches and Revival Time came around: The louder the Preacher’s suit, the bigger the lie they told.

I would gladly pay a dollar to punch a Nazi. 

This is totally Kellyanne

Anyone alive and watching MTV back then will tell you this is true. I, deep in my “Metal Years” knew Bobby was The Man, even pre-Whitney.

AND A PICKLE!