These saved my life in 1990. A drunk driver trying to make an offramp sent me into them at ~50mph in a flimsy Rabbit GTI. It was the ONE time in my life I was driving without a seatbelt. We were all seriously bruised up but fine.

My boss has been doing exactly as David describes for well over a decade and it works for him too. It’s not that he isn’t working, he is, he’s just doing it on a schedule that suits him and then remaining reachable.

You're implying spiders have hands, and for that nightmare fuel I will not be thanking you today.

...but I shit you not, there’s ‘conservative’ people at work that truly believe the virus was created to take down Trump, and they don’t believe in taking any precautions.

... Are there that many 3row SUVs from that era? I was thinking how unique that 3rd row is given its age.

It is indeed quite terrible. In fact, terrible C&D pillars seem to be a plague in current auto design, forget the coronovirus, this is the pandemic we should be addressing.

I’m pretty sure “Cadillac saving the manual transmission” was in the book of Revelation somewhere. 

Lambo wave:

Some near future - BMW now admits to the gaps they’ve had between the model ranges currently offered and are proud to present the 2.5, 3.5, 4.5, 5.5, 6.5, and 7.5 series. Proudly offered in sedan, gran coupe, regular coupe, hatchback, SUV, egg-shaped SUV and cargo van variants.

Damn this is some mighty fine auto journalism.  This is why I come to Jalopnik.  Great work David. 

...these are found with just a bit more miles for like half the price.

crossovers are tall hatchbacks. station wagons are long hatchbacks

Isn’t that Nissan’s business model for the Titan?

This. I pay extra for higher coverage just for this reason. Yeah, I could get the bare minimum, but what happens when I get into an accident with a 2020 S Class? Or three or four cars are involved and I’m liable? I’m on the hook for whatever my cheap insurance doesn’t cover. And like you mentioned, god forbid there…

I just want to say, I have LITERALLY seen a VW salesman do the “hang on the doors” thing. I was shopping for a GTI around 2010, and ended up at a VW dealership near Roswell, GA.

If a new car is purchased, it must be offset by a particularly high mileage British/German luxury car that retailed for at least double what the new car cost. - Jalop User Guide, p. 5 article 42.0.69

Friend had one of these in high school. It’s less claustrophobic in the front seat than the new Camaro is. It’s much more difficult to gauge where the front end is from the driver’s seat, though.

Corporate lingo like that is merely an attempt to camouflage thinking that is faulty or mediocre (or both).

I hate it.  But I’ll get used to it.  In fact, it’s sort of an improvement.  Actually I prefer it.  The next one after this will be terrible, surely.

If this were a manual, I would be in. Those wheels gotta go, though.