Get that Star Wars kid to show him how it’s done. Olivia clearly doesn’t have time for that shit.

Only at FSU when they sent out a copy of the police report to the media, do they redact the accused’s name in it but leave in the female student victim’s name. Shows where their priorities are.

I’m glad this article calls out the part about why this important. Because I saw a lot of “Pete Rose already admitted it!” stuff around the webs today and was like... “Well yeah, as a manager.”

Tap, tap, tap. Drip, drip, drip.

Maybe he could have read the back of a shampoo bottle?

Ryne Sandberg frantically waving a white towel sums up this Phillies season nicely, doesn’t it?

Yeah, give it to the guys who paid the bribes and then got double-crossed!

Forget game recaps, this is literally the type of article I come to Deadspin for.

...the Astros plan to move the centerfield fence closer to home plate in order to build more space for fans:

That hill is one of the stupidest things i have ever added to a baseball field.

Yesterday, FIFA announced that Jerome Valcke will not attend Saturday’s opening of the Women’s World Cup in Edmonton, “due to the current situation.”

No actually FIFA wins this one...

What a fantastic waste of time. He hit a ball 400 feet with a stick, okay? Who cares if he missed the plate by an inch. You can tell the MLB is very dedicated to shortening these games.

So it’s worse than beating your wife, but not as bad as beating your wife but being caught on tape.

I think he should have to play the first 4 games with a ball COMPLETELY deflated... Like ur dad makin u smoke the whole pack when he catches you smoking cigs! Ha!

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My parents got in on the “uniquely spelled name” trend long before it was popular, and I’ve resented them for it nearly every day of my life. Names aren’t artisanal. They have meaning and weight and they’re the first impression a human being is able to make on another. We carry them our entire lives. These stunt-names…

Just when I thought I'd seen every possible ingredient in craft beer, now you're telling me there's Kale in Western Hockey League Bantam Draft?

Key and Peele need to do an East-West Bowl skit for this shit.

So should the organization also give back the WS title he helped them win in ‘09 (or ‘11, or whenever)?