What level of Ebola did she want?

Glad you like it. :) In related news, I use the catchphrase “thank you Admiral Obvious”, and when someone says “Don’t you mean Captain Obvious?” I tell them “surely, he’s been promoted by now!”

Not an allergy request but a ridiculous coffee request. At one cafe where I used to work, we kept the milk and cream behind the counter and would pour it in for the customer ourselves unless they asked to do it. One woman asked for me to make her coffee “about your color.” Because I’m neither coffee nor milk, I have…

Peppercorn guy really buried the lede there. An 1815 Canadian fur trade themed wedding? Photos or it didn’t happen.

And God help you if there’s a gazebo near by...

I had a woman request a new glass of ice water, because, and I can’t make this up, “her ice water was watered down.”

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.

Eh. While this is definitely up there in stupid, childish things, people watch sitcoms on network television, Adam Sandler movies, and read Twilight, and that doesn’t diminish any of those media’s status as art forms. Art is distinguished by its best examples, not its worst.

the best when it’s 3h30 in the morning after a night of clubbing and you still pumped up on adrenaline and HUNGRY!

Kids should be required to at least try anything before they reject it because “it looks funny,” though. I don’t agree with making kids eat everything they hate, but they damn sure shouldn’t get to sit in their plain-hamburgers-with-ketchup-and-maybe-plain-cheese-pizza comfort zone all the time (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MY…

My dad was like that. I love brussels sprouts know, but hated them growing up. One time when I was 6 he told me that I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until I had eaten all my sprouts.

As some of you know, I grew up in rural Utah. I was not mormon and it was, um, hellish. I was by nature a pretty standard kid, but standard kid stuff made you a weirdo in my town, so I struggled to fit in without loosing myself. In any event, I joined the girl scouts in an attempt to make friends. I must have been…

I choose this as my Mom story:

My mom waited until I was a grown and married lady to tell me this story.

My mom is a spitfire. She’s a tiny, fierce, mean, Irish lady. She had 6 kids in 6 1/2 years. I have a ton of great stories about her, like the time she bought a huge crystal chandelier at an estate sale several hours from our home. Lacking anything to wrap it in for the ride home, she stripped down to bra and panties,…

I was trying to think of a best, but I couldn’t, so I’m just going with badass-est.

My mom is awesome. She moved to Ohio from Puerto Rico with her husband and three-year-old daughter to get her Ph.D. She was away from everyone she knew, and didn’t really know English. She worked full time on top of school, and raised two daughters (second daughter born two years after arriving to Ohio), and put up…

Jon Stewart: “Tommy...you cheating fucker.”

I don’t know. I think she’s pretty captivating as Helena.

That’s why football only has 11 players on a team; 12 players is the tipping point.