Everything about this case is sad.

She reminds me of my son... who at the grocery store picked up a lychee and stared at it for a good 5 seconds before turning to me with a big smile saying “Look! A coconut!” Because he’s only seen one in illustrations before.

How come cucumbers implies land-cucumbers?!?! You are just part of the land based elite using language to subjugate oppressed aquatic species!

My favorite though, was when I overheard a new employee who was prepping cucumbers and talking to the dish washer. She thought it was really dishonest that we said some of our sandwiches were vegetarian or vegan when they contained cucumber. The dishwasher was confused and said that cucumbers were vegetables. The…

*dead*

I usually have the worst service at the big chain restaurants like Bison Feral Appendages, Pepper Pods, Italian Flatbread Shanty, and of cours the Blue Crustacean, though nothing beats that last story from Cow Milk Monarchess.

Jamie Layton’s story reminds me of a famous story I heard when I was working at a regional theater festival.

The waiter tells her, “I thought you were his mom! I mean, your dude looks super young. And let’s face it, women just don’t age as well as men, am I right, bro?”

I wonder is she goes after people in flag boxers or swimsuits. What about American flag-print welcome mats? My understanding, such as it is, is that any use of the flag as anything other than a flag, also counts as desecration. More importantly, you know what else is as American as the flag? The right to protest.

So standing on the American flag is wrong but placing it between your crotch is the epitome of respect. Got it.

Also, all our American flags are mass-produced overseas.

The waitress’s exasperated manager, the bartender and two bus boys join in the search and they eventually find it - at the bottom of a full pitcher of water.

A video of the entire bizarre incident was shot by Manhart’s daughter and uploaded to YouTube by Dustin Cross-Manhart, her husband. In the description, he claims that the students had been protesting for three days and that the Manharts’ intention was to “get” the flag and “dispose of it properly.” He adds, “The…

Yeah, quite the novel idea to white Americans that the American flag doesn’t mean the same thing to every other American. Imagine that!

“The American flag represents our Freedom why would you want to walk on that???”

“Why ain’t she shot in the ass yet?”

I know that obvious question is obvious, but using the flag in a protest to preserve human dignity is offensive to this woman, but using it as a prop in her nude photos is totes cool?

Throughout it all, several of the assembled black students point out that she’s resisting arrest and speculate what would’ve happened to them if they’d done the same.

They sort of phoned it in on that one.

But where is the button that makes blueberry muffins?